Mobile post sent by TheKeithShow using Utterz. Replies. mp3
Mobile post sent by TheKeithShow using Utterz. Replies. mp3
Mobile post sent by TheKeithShow using Utterz. Replies. mp3
Mobile post sent by TheKeithShow using Utterz. Replies. mp3
Mobile post sent by TheKeithShow using Utterz. Replies. mp3
“City of Angels”
Daily Photo 4/25
This is a new segment where I will bring you a snap shot from my day around Los Angeles. Working for Nickelodeon I go to a great many places around town and frequently cross paths with some of the more eccentric sides of the city. Other times my job has me doing ridiculous things that I wish to share with you all so that you out of towners see that Hollywood can be far from glamorous.
This kick-off photo is the greeter at “IKEA”. For those of you who are not familiar with “IKEA”, it is a giant, Swedish based, furniture store that has everything you could possibly need for your home. They also sell food at ridiculously cheap prices ($1 frozen yogurt cones, 2 hot dogs a bag of chips and a soda for $2.25, etc.). As you can see here, they also specialize in top-notch customer service. This has to be in the running for top 5 worst jobs in Hollywood. This schmo has to stand there for an entire shift and acknowledge every cheapskate looking for a $150 sofa. Here’s what I can conclude just from looking at this man.
1) Still lives with his mom : I have no doubts he still lives with mom in a two bedroom house in Burbank. When his shift is over he has to hustle right home because mom has meatloaf on the table. Come on, look at the watermelon under this guys shirt and tell me he doesn’t cherish his mother’s meatloaf!
2) Is a virgin : You don’t allow yourself to be pushed around to the point where this is how you make a living if you have had intercourse with a woman. This guy’s self-esteem went out the window when he realized they stopped making “Beta” tapes.
3) Will eventually murder : Behind those coke bottle glasses and insincere smile is a lunatic plotting the demise of several former schoolmates. Every day he nods at people as they enter the store knowing said person may not be making it out alive once he detonates the dynamite he has laid out in all the AC ducts. I mean you would so the same thing if your closet was filled with nothing but yellow clothes.
One on One w/ Keith:
Q: If you were filthy rich and could do anything for a living what would you do?
A: Drive an ice cream truck but secretly serve frozen yogurt to curb child obesity rates.
Q: Rumor has it you have never smoked pot, why is that?
A: I drink and gamble. I can live without my liver and an empty wallet, but a stomach full of potato chips and gummy bears is where I draw the line.
Q: Is it true you hate the ocean and refuse to go into it?
A: It is a misconception that I hate the ocean. I will enter the ocean to nipple depth then retreat. I don’t hate the ocean, I RESPECT the ocean in that it has the ability to kill me without notice. I also don’t care for the food that comes from the ocean because I prefer to eat things that don’t bathe in nuclear weapon tested waters.
Q: What tv commercial irritates you the most?
A: I have come to loathe the Dr Shoall’s commericals where people ask eachother “are you gelin’ ” I want to take a crow bar to everyone in that commercial. “I’m like Magellan I’m sooo gelin’ ” That doesn’t make any sense! How does shoe inserts have anything to do with the first man to sail around the world?? I mean who invests thousands of dollars in these ads?
Q: Do you have any plans to make a sex tape?
A: God knows I tried, but I just couldn’t get any distributors interested. Some said “it was the furthest thing from sexy I have ever seen” and “I think you’re at the wrong place, the Discovery channel is three buildings down”. Currently working on the sequel.
Got a question for Keith? Go ahead and ask it tough guy! Email (keithhannon@yahoo.com) , facebook, or leave a comment right here on the site. He will answer promptly and honestly.
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